I just spent an hour on the phone with a friend. We went back and forth sharing stories. What a meaningful way to learn from and about each other, by reminiscing and reflecting. We haven’t spoken in a few months, and rather than catching up with small talk and pleasantries, we elevated our conversation and deepened our connection.
She started out by telling me about an incident in her son’s class. Her personal and emotional involvement in the story, with the twists and turns, conflict and resolution had me concerned and captivated. I listened intently and only interrupted her once to say, “may I pause you to ask if you were worried about…?” She got and kept my attention by saying things like, “oh, it gets better,” and “get this.”
An anecdote in her story led me to transition with “high school, right?” and then I shared a story from my own high school days. She listened just as attentively to my past experience as I did to her recent scenario. I got to bring out details this friend didn’t previously know about me, like where I grew up, what my family was like, and how my environment shaped my skills. That story then prompted her to reciprocate with a story from her own high school years, across the country, with different characters, but with similar challenges. I didn’t even know until hearing this story that she has an older brother.
A question she posed after she completed her story led me to respond with a story from one of my sons’ high school experiences. This brought us back full circle to the first of four stories shared during our phone call. The lessons I learned and shared from my son’s school days shed light on the experience her son is currently undergoing. Our stories, mostly, brought us closer to understanding and appreciating each other, and greater clarity around why we gravitated towards each other when we first met.
When I hung up the phone, I was first worried that I’d spent one hour of talking instead of working. My work includes teaching communication skills through writing articles like this one. It then occurred to me that the way my friend and I conversed elevated my energy and morale, and these are the types of interactions we need to engage in more frequently. There was no gossip, chit chat, trivial talk, or mindless chatter. There was, however, deep listening, empathy, curiosity, validation, and focus. We deepened our connection and our trust. And it was all done through the empowering exchange of personal storytelling.
Lee Broekman is a communication coach, trainer, and speaker with a mission to make the world a better place, one communicator at a time. Her company, Organic Communication, works with high level leaders and trains decision makers in top organizations to communicate, collaborate, and innovate, naturally and effectively. Lee is the author of Stop Blocking, Start Connecting; her book – Elevate Conversations, Deepen Connection: Tools for Even Better Communication – is forthcoming in January, 2026.
